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lose weight

Ok, I think she did that^ in a bit more than a day, but I have the secret to how you can lose a bunch of weight in just 1 DAY! AND, you're going to feel AMAZING after the day is over! HOW EXCITING IS THIS?!?!?!? Read on...

Get your trash can; we're about to do some cleaning. Ugh. Cleaning sucks BUTT, right? But you cannot lose weight if you don't get rid of all the shit. All the junk, all the riffraff, all the clutter. We need organization to get started. Oh, mylanta, I cannot wait to share this with you! Are you excited? Are you committed? Are you SURE you're ready?

First, we must throw out all of our unrealistic, bullshit expectations. Did you find those? Yeah, you found 'em. Toss 'em in the trash can.

Next, we deal with the riffraff. What's the riffraff, you ask? It's not a "what"; it's the "who". Sorry, but you gotta cut the "miracle workers" from your social media feeds. The ones selling the horse-with-the-one-horn juice, the wraps, the pills, the "I only eat avocado, and look how ripped I am" people? You know who I mean. Those are the riffraff. Stay friends with them! It's not that they're not good people; they're just misguided. But you know what they're selling right? They're selling bullshit. They know it and you know it. You're no dummy.

Feeling lighter yet?

Finally, you have to cut yourself some slack. You find the slack? Cut off a giant piece and put that shit in your pocket. It's like silk. Doesn't add any weight at all. Did you notice that? You actually feel so much lighter with a pocketful of slack, right????

Now, once you've rid yourself of the expectations, the riffraff and cut yourself a fresh piece of slack, you've lost a shit ton of weight. You're no longer under the heavy burden of feeling like you're "less than"; feeling like you don't have what it takes to make those miraculous changes others make.

YOU are on YOUR way to making lasting, long-term changes that you can sustain for LIFE! You are light as a fucking feather because you're not living your life under the unrealistic auspices of silliness that the masses seem to be following these days.

Trust me, if a drink, pill, highly restrictive diet or wrap worked; Zuckerbergenheimer would have patented that shit by now.

So, follow the above steps, get a spray tan, put on some stripper heels...and voila! Now, that didn't even take 1 DAY, did it?

Stay #savagestrong!